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Personal Issues
What are bad habits? How do we get rid of them, and how do we cope with these habits during Ramadan?
Answer:
Habits can be divided into two categories:
* Habits that are innate and which I refer to as genetic
* Habits that are related to our Iman.
Losing our temper easily, raising our voice, getting upset and uptight for no reason, abusing time, being unorganized and running around like crazy people without any goals and priorities are just few of the bad habits.
Once we have Iman, we are calm, composed, organized and prioritize things according to our benefit. When it comes to kids, we make them realize who is in charge. We discipline them, prepare them for the future, they must be taught not to run and jump around like monkeys but behave as respectable and well mannered human beings.
We as parents, especially mothers, are responsible for the unruly behaviour of our children. We are the ones who allow them to fool around, sometimes behaving like shayateen, playing with things that are not meant to be played with, screaming and running all over the place like a bunch of hooligans.why is it so? We do not set limits; kids are not disciplined because mothers do not value their own time, their future, and their kids.
We are the ones who allow our bad habits and our children’s bad habits to develop; we call this Rahma, but in reality it is stupidity! It is negligence. Our nafs or desires are so high; and this without discipline makes matters worse. Kids become stubborn and bratty. These same kids when admitted into a Christian school or in a Buddhist monastery develop good manners in a few days! How does that happen? Do non-Muslims who run these places have better manners and qualities than us Muslims? Even though that is how we as Muslims should be in the first place! That is the way our Islamic schools should be, sadly it is the opposite.
What about bad habits with regards to our Iman?
When we remember Allah (swt), we are calm and full of tranquillity. We value time, are patient and compassionate, have a goal and purpose in life, and we make sure that we control the environment around us. We do all of the above with good manners and quality in order to achieve it. This requires a lot of power and this power can be attained from dhikrulallah (remembrance of Allah (swt)) and to constantly remember who we are and the purpose behind our creation.
As mothers, we are responsible for our kids. They are an amaanah (trust). Another thing I would like to advise is not to allow our sons to play with our daughters and vice versa once they leave childhood, otherwise the boys would develop feminine qualities and the girls would become aggressive like the boys. (According to most scholars, this age is when a child is around seven years old.)
If we want to develop ourselves and value the month of Ramadan, we cannot waste our precious time running behind kids; if we truly love our kids, we need to discipline them without screaming at them or embarrassing them. Raising our voices while trying to discipline our kids is a sign of weakness, screaming and getting frustrated is a higher level of weakness, while losing our temper and resorting to beating is the ultimate level of weakness. Without Iman we are raising kids who are full of Shaytaan! If we fail to make an impact upon our families, where else can we be successful?
When I was young a Shaykh told me that the best thing I could gift myself was to record my voice during different situations, listen to it later and to analyze how it sounded.
Allah SWT sent Prophet Muhammad SAW with the best of manners and character. If we are the followers of Muhammad SAW then how is it that a Christian nun or a Buddhist monk has better qualities than us? With our spoilt manners we have become the enemy to Islam and our families. How can we try to discipline others when we lack it ourselves? Isn’t this a calamity? Why is Allah (swt) not with me? Why isn’t Allah (swt) giving us the tawfiq?
It is because at this moment we are not Muslims but behave more like mushriks. The love that we have for our kids and families is not for the sake Allah (swt), it is our emotions, our culture and the way we are raised. It is also lack of justice in our personalities that is a symptom of weak faith and inability to prioritize our responsibilities according to the teachings of Allah and His Prophet SAW.
The reason Muslim children are so ill disciplined is because our Muslim women lack personality; both parents are disunited with different principles and kids learn to manipulate the parents. Most mothers lack Islam, wisdom and have no sense of humanity. When we need to discipline somebody, we need to observe them and study their weaknesses and strengths. This is justice that we mentioned earlier. Without justice, we will try to treat everyone the same and in the process ignore and even crush their personalities.
Let us look into the Quran revealed in Makkah. It only talks about who the master is and who the slaves are. Once we really understand who Allah (swt) is, it is easy to become His slave. But the problem is that we have lost the comprehension of this relationship. One of the first things a slave needs to know is that he doesn’t own anything. As slaves of Allah we do not own our kids, in fact we own nothing but the way we dictate their lives it is as if we own their souls. It is a sickness in our society; this is specially manifested during weddings and we see how much of a tyrant a doting mother can turn out to be. They want to control and dictate every aspect of their children’s lives! Is this Islam? No, but they abuse the license of being a mother.
Let’s excuse the mothers saying they are old and they don’t know any better; but what about the daughters after their marriage? How do they behave? They follow exactly in the footsteps of their mothers. They might have hated the environment they were brought up in; they might even hate their own mothers, but their behaviour is identical to their mothers’. This is what I refer to as habits through genetics.
Allah SWT knows that He has created us with deficiencies and shortcomings; what He wants is for us to struggle against them. It is our struggle and sincerity that we will be judged on, not our success since success is in the hands of Allah. But once we surrender to our habits saying ‘this is who I am’, or are satisfied with them, then this is a weakness of faith and a high level of arrogance. Once we act through this arrogance and try to dictate the lives of others such as our children or spouses, we have association in our hearts with Allah or are at the status of Mushrikeen. We act like masters when, in reality we are slaves to Allah (swt). Power is when we serve Allah (swt), when we serve our kids for the sake of Allah not for ourselves and definitely not for the sake of our so called ‘love.’
Most of us are tormented by our kids. It is because we spoil them and indulge them by fulfilling all their desires until their nafs (ego/self) is inflated and they cannot be disciplined. We, in the name of love, destroy our own children to the point that we can even lead them to jahannam. Is this real love? We have discussed the topic of love in other sessions and articles; love is a feeling, an emotion, a desire to achieve pleasure which would benefit us. If we love our kids, we must love them so that they can attain the pleasure of jannah; however if we fail in the process, we do not need to worry because we have done our job.
Can we turn all our kids and families into righteous people? Absolutely not. We are slaves of Allah (swt) and our kids are an amaanah (trust); we have to carry out our jobs and leave the rest to Allah. We are all so new in our spiritual journey and have started practicing Islam only recently; than how can we expect sudden changes in our lives? It’s hard to bring about major changes in our own selves, let alone in the lives of others, because it takes a lot of time and effort.
Let us wake up from this slumber and realize that we can only try. Success and ability are in the hands of Allah (swt). If our kids are astray there is nothing we can do about it, it’s best to recite:
"La ilaaha illaah anta subhaanaka inni kuntu minadh dhalimeen"
(None has the right to be worshipped but You (O Allah)), Glorified (and Exalted) are You
(above all that (evil) they associate with You). Truly, I have been of the wrong-doers.)
We should also make Taubah for ourselves and our kids. Whether we are alive or dead, our kids will never be the way we want them to be.
If we find that our kids are astray, it is a calamity from Allah (swt) just like illness or any other misfortune; all we can do is return to Allah (swt) and make ourselves busy with His remembrance because ultimately we only benefit from Allah and not our kids. It’s impossible and impractical to run after them until we die.
If we look at the biggest priority of Muslim parents for their children, it is to feed them. We are obsessed with feeding our kids to the point that we turn them into gluttons. Our whole Ummah is overweight; all we worry about is food and eating. A shaykh once said that we must go hungry once every week only to remind ourselves and our families of the poor and the needy. There are people in places like Somalia who walk miles together looking for something to eat. There are people out there dying from starvation and our Ummah is dying from being overfed! We have become a fitnah for each other. And if we had Iman our priorities would definitely change for the better.
How should the night of Eid be spent?
Is it true that the night of eid-ul-fitr must be spent in the maximum amount of ‘Ibadah in order to gain the reward from Allah (swt)? Can you please clarify?
Answer:
It had been the practice of the Prophet (saw) that he would not sleep in the night preceding the day of Eid-ul-fitr. This night has been named in a Hadith as the Night of Reward (Lailatul Jaiza). The Almighty bestows his rewards on those who have spent the month of Ramadan abiding by the dictates of Shari'ah, and all their prayers in this night are accepted. Therefore, it is desirable to perform nafl prayers in this night. The Prophet (saw) is reported to have said:
Whoever stands up (in worship) in the nights preceding the two Eids expecting rewards from his Lord, his heart will not die when the other hearts will die. (Ibn Majah)
We are in those times where the hearts are almost dead. A simple example of this is the calamity of starting our blessed month on different days. We are the only nation in the world that can’t agree on the sighting of the moon and dispute over it. If we are loyal to Allah SWT, it is time to put aside national and ethnic affiliations and find out exactly when Ramadan starts and ends. It requires some basic knowledge and with the advanced technology available, it shouldn’t be difficult.
If you have difficulty reading the moon phases the last few days, look out for the full moon of thirteenth, fourteenth, and fifteenth. Fifteenth is easiest way to detect with a halo around it; and since then every night takes away the size of a small crescent from the moon. In this time of fitnah, we are responsible to gain knowledge of our deen to the maximum we can and to follow the truth. We do not need to follow corrupt leaders blindly.
I will share with you a piece of knowledge that can only be comprehended by a Mo’min and not by any average Muslim. A believer knows when Ramadan starts; he can feel the difference in the air and in his own attitude. It is because the shayateen are captured and the air and our souls feel light and easy. Our mood, our feelings, and our attitude towards life changes because of that, and a vigilant believer is able to detect that. Unfortunately, once Ramadan is gone this feeling also fades away.
Someone once asked me about the people who fight or have terrible manners at the beginning of Ramadan. This is because the shaytaan that is there within us is trying its best to make us lose this blessed month. Can we blame this shaytaan? No! We have to fight against it and overcome it as this is the whole point of Ramadan.
A true believer feels the difference in his manners, behaviour, attitude, and worship during Ramadan and strives his best to capture this feeling for the rest of the year. May Allah SWT make us among those who experience this blessed month and utilize it to the maximum of our abilities. Ameen.
I dont have patience at all. If something goes wrong i get very much angry. What should i do to overcome my anger?
Assalaam alaikum sister,
Anger from Shaitan. No excuse!
I can not explain it in a few words.
But it is a journey of knowledge, Iman to achieve quality.
My advice to you, Please,
No1, remember Allah a lot. (Do Zikr)
No2, go to my website "From darkness to Light" take it step by step. And keep listening the maximum you can. Soon or later, you will develop the quality.
No3, also, keep reading my articles, I promise you, it will help you a lot.
And keep in touch, if you have any questions.
May Allah cure you and remember also, keep listening to 'Ramadan' sessions as soon as possible before you enter Ramadan.
I Have Been A Bit Stressed With An Issue And It Is A Marriage Sort Of Issue...
Salam Alaykum Shaikh,
I have been a bit stressed with an issue that has faced me at the moment.. and it is a marriage sort of issue.. I sort of have had a recent marriage proposal .. and I did not like the young man that was asking for me.. but then after.. I decided to see how he was as a person and converse with him to see how we would connect together you know .. like to see if anything was there.. but then he decided to go overseas to my home country to get married and he is from my country.. and now I am here and confused.. and stressed.. because my mother says I missed a big oppurtunity and I wont ever get it again..my mother insists me on marrying someone from my culture.. but I do not want to .. but I am soo confused and upset.. I am desperately seeking a way out of marrying from my culture.. but I am too scared to mention anything to her as we have had a talk before about it and she insisted me that I am not allowed to.. I am desperately seeking help from Allah and some guidance or advice.. because I dont know what to do :( .. I hope you can help me.
Answer:
Assalaam alaikum sister,
Believe in Allah, trust Allah, rely on Allah. A mumin should not worry, should not stress, but also you do not have to talk and explain to anybody.
My advice to you, keep listening to my sessions, read my articles, and remember part of our faith is to believe in Qadar (destiny) good and bad.
I really cannot explain too much, but I promise you if you keep listening to me, Little by little you will understand, and Allah will open for you in the way you never expected.
May Allah swt open for you and give you the happiness of this life and hereafter.
And by the way, if you want Allah to open for you, you be for Allah, Allah will take care of you, this is the formula of success.
wa salaam alaikum,
Daee Ahmed M
If Everything Is Pre-ordained In My Life
Then Are The Decisions I Make
Also Qadr(Destiny)?
Answer:
Any decision you are going to make will either be according to a feeling, as in something you like/dislike, something you love/hate OR according to calculation, like whether it is good for me or not, how much money am I going to make, whether it is good for me in the future or not.
If I follow my desire, my arrogance, my ego, my loving of Duniya - my decision will be against me and it will still be my Qadr, my destiny. On the other hand if I am in a state of following the guidance of Allah [swt], I will make decision according to the inspiration and guidance from Allah [swt] and at this time my decision will be a blessing for me.
For e.g.: if I am getting married or looking for a job or moving from one place to another, will I beg Allah [swt] for His guidance and to let me do what pleases him Or will I do according to my liking or disliking to the point that the issue will overwhelm me and I will try to do what I like and even then, everything is according to guidance or Qadr.
The main pillar of guidance is being humble and showing humility, if I am in state of humbleness and humility I will be following guidance and if I am in a state of arrogance and stubbornness I will follow my desire, my nafs. Even then again, everything is ordained.
Comment:
The whole Duniya(world) is a trial of how much I am willing to humble myself and whether I will always seek Allah’s [swt] guidance, Allah’s [swt] support, try to please Allah [swt] and seek his Rahma(Mercy). The main purpose of the trial of duniya (this life) for Allah [swt] is to check how much we want and desire to seek the guidance and the support of Allah [swt].
Bad News:
If my emotion overwhelms me or my arrogance overwhelms me; I cannot be an achiever.
Is Me Born A Muslim
Or Do I Have To Embrace Islam Or Both?
Born muslim meaning Allah swt allow you to be born in a family the father and the mother are muslims, they give you the adhan, they make aqeeka, they did all the sunnah..they teach u islam, meaning you come from a seed of islam. Once you grow up you will be tested...
why will you be tested? To generate the struggle inside of you…and this is why sometimes we as adults when we see our children go stray, we try to figure out Why?
"Why" is very simple, because its not written now…and we never give them the right seed…or we think that if we give them the right seed they’ll be the way I want…
Allah said excuse me…no no no...I give guidance to whom i will...
U are a farmer , u r not a creator…I give u the seed…I tell ;u wat to do with it, how the seed will be is my job not ur job…
The farmer puts the seed in the ground, puts the water, fertilizer...
What ever he does...But allah sends the rain, sun and wind the time he wants…
From one seed, it might be beautiful, the another will not grow, the another rotten, the another Sour...it is upto Allah swt
By this way for me as a young person, I have to think,…is me a really a born muslim and that’s it or I have to embrace islam?
I tell you that you have to embrace islam, you have to.. you have no choice...Why?
If you dont embrace islam and go to college you'll be really in a big heavy wind…storm of questioning on various topics.
In a few years it will wipe your own islam..
Why? Also Because you don’t have enough knowledge to back your belief of what you are saying…
What is the difference?
If you are born a muslim, you are born with certain ritual, but inside you never struggle for it..but if you struggle ..this is your will and this in now your belief,
Huge difference and the only one will survive is your own belief…not what you inherit..
What Does The Creator Expect Of Me?
Imagine if somebody does some good for you, what do you do. You keep calling, oh so and so did this for me, he brought me this, and he keeps remembering the person.
By this way if I realize the bounty of the creator who will i remember the most? THE CREATOR.
Because he is the owner of all the bounties.He is the owner of all the gifts.
My appearance?. The creator has given it to me.
What I have? The creator has given it to me.
What about my ability? The creator has given it to me. Everything you think about is given to me by the creator. He can give, he can take. And I should be in a state of thanks and show gratitude to my creator.
How? By worshipping him, realizing him, remembering him, talk about him, inviting to him, thank him, try to please him..
How will you try to please him? By doing the things he loves and try to avoid the things he dislikes. This automatically makes you please the creator.
Islamically What Will Happen
If We Do Not Have A Question?
The problem is you do not have knowledge and you do not acquire knowledge which means you are in the state of ignorance. And if we are in a state of ignorance, our faith is weak, and if our faith is weak we are in a situation where we are in a wonder land.
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