Look What Self-Adulation Can Lead To!


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Path to Success vs. Chasing a Mirage

You can never accomplish anything unless…
you have a vision / goal
you believe in that vision
you intensely desire it
you go step by step, all the while seeking knowledge & consultation, and taking necessary measures to achieve it

Remember, you can’t be impulsive and haphazard. You can’t be emotional, pop up with random questions once in a while, have no continuation and no synchronization of any thoughts or steps and want to achieve. You have to have a systematic thinking, and a systematic way of seeking knowledge and following advice, otherwise your claims of wanting to achieve are all a lie!

You will not achieve. And once you fail, don’t blame anyone, not even shaytaan. Only blame yourself.

There are men and women who study and master extremely difficult subjects and work in some of the toughest fields. They learn and stick to it until they complete their degrees and get the jobs they desire. It goes on to show one thing: they have the intelligence, strength of mind, and perseverance to follow the curriculum until they accomplish what they want.

Now the question is: why and how do they succeed in education and career, but when it comes to personal life, relationships, and even child rearing, they fail? Why?

The answer is simpler than most might think. It is what led to the downfall of shaytaan from the grace of Allah SWT. Deep down inside, these men and women have unbelievable arrogance, self-adulation, and wrongful assumptions. They want to be able to do everything by themselves, even if they don’t have what it takes. This wrongful assumption to think ‘I know what to do’ is the ultimate arrogance and lie. And unfortunately, most people do it when it comes to their own personal lives and the things most important to them. They would never do that when it comes to their degree or their careers. In those places, they are‘reigned’ and controlled by curriculum and an established system; and there they thrive. This goes on to show that when they follow instructions, they succeed.

This leads to another question. If I am failing at my personal life and the upbringing of my children, what is preventing me from changing it. Why am I unable to have a systematic approach to gain the necessary knowledge, consult, develop the personality and expertise, and be what is required of me.

The answer is very unpleasant. It means that I have a plethora of very deep problems.

  • Arrogance
  • Assumption
  • Disease of the heart
  • Blindness which prevents me from seeing the seriousness of the problem
  • Incapacity to humble myself and take a systematic approach to uplift myself.

For example, often when women become pregnant they begin to act like they know it all. They seek out the knowledge / information they want, from where they want. They don’t bother seeking advice and consultation. And everything becomes according to their liking and disliking, instead of what is good for them and their growing family. The damaging effects of this behavior are far ranging and often irreversible.

Once things take a bad turn, these same women then turn around and start blaming, complaining, making excuses and providing reasoning and justification for the issues that their own negligence and arrogance had created. All the while, they still don’t humble themselves, be disciplined, make a sincere effort, and have a systematic approach to learn, and undo the damage they have done. The sad thing is that if these same women make a mistake at work, they will learn from it, will not repeat it, do their utmost to prove themselves, and be better than they were before.

The point of concern is, why are they able to do it at work, and not for the sake of their children?

What makes us blind to the point we manipulate the truth, refuse to see things the way they are, and cherry pick advices according to our liking, instead of following them exactly? Why can’t we simply put everything in the right perspective and find one teacher or mentor we respect and then follow them? Why do we give ourselves airs to act like a judge and be arrogant over those who give us the right advice?

It is arrogance!

Arrogance leads to blindness which makes one think that they know better. This leads them to do things the way they like. Even if they seek knowledge, they judge it and follow only selective parts of that knowledge. The end result of this is waste of time, further complication of the situation, no substantial results or outcome, and the continuation of the problem that this approach created in the first place!


Is it really worth it?

Is your life, and your family’s life really so worthless to be sacrificed to your arrogance?

Rasul Allah SAW said:

““Make things easy and do not make things difficult…” (Bukhari & Muslim)

There are people who tend to make things more complicated and difficult than they need to be. Whenever they receive an advice, instead of having a positive outlook, aiming high, learning, growing, and being hopeful of successful outcome, they complicate the matter before they even start. They think negative before the positive. They doubt their ability to follow the advice instead of giving it their best shot. Instead of making a sincere effort, they think about it so much that they overwhelm themselves before they even start. They imagine problems, hindrances, and difficulties which do not even exist.

They complicate the future which is in the hands of Allah SWT; they assume about the outcome, which is also in the hands of Allah SWT, and instead of going headlong into what they should be doing, they stop themselves before they even start. Thus, set themselves up for failure before they even begin.

Now ask yourself, is this the behavior of a humble person? Someone who is focused, determined, and goal oriented? Is this the approach of a Muslim who believes in destiny and the supreme power of Allah SWT? Is this the approach of a person who sincerely wants to live life according to the teachings of Allah SWT and His Prophet SAW?

Ironically, it is the complete opposite of what a sincere Muslim would do.

Therefore, it is no surprise that these people are usually in some sort of a turmoil. They go from one failure to another. That is because their approach and thinking never changes. Instead of seeking advice, following the consultation, and trusting in Allah SWT, they rely on their thinking, relabel and manipulate the truth, and give themselves excuses just to satisfy their ego.

What does it mean?

It means that satisfaction of their ego is much more important than growing, changing, learning, maturing, and having a successful life, family, and legacy.

Now what about their…

  • Vision
  • Goal
  • Children which have been given to them as an amanah (trust) from Allah
  • Personal success
  • Children’s success
  • ‘love’ for their children

Is their behavior in any way or form indicative of their ‘love’, ‘sense of responsibility’, ‘consideration’, and ‘respect for their children as a trust from Allah’?

The truth is self-evident. It is all about ego, arrogance, and self-satisfaction.

When this is the person’s reality, then Allah SWT makes them blind. He (SWT) will not make things easy for them and will not open for them. Why would He if they rely on their own thinking and calculations instead of believing in the qadr of Allah SWT?

This attitude and approach will only lead a person from one mirage to another. They will not be able to reach their goals and ambitions because they are on the wrong path to begin with.

The only way out is to change the path and start afresh.

In order to make a fresh start, the person needs to…

  • Make tawba (repent)
  • Humble himself to those who have what he needs
  • Take advice sincerely, and seriously
  • Follow the advice entirely, instead of cherry picking the parts suitable to him
  • Struggle against his ego, arrogance, old way of thinking & base desires (nafs)
  • Allow himself to grow out of all the diseases which are holding him back

Only then can he save himself, his children, his family, his future, and be successful in this life and the hereafter.

Take the simple example of bees. They are little creatures with exemplary discipline. They go only after certain flowers in specific areas containing particular nectar, in order to produce a coveted product—the honey. You will never find bees going to the garbage dump or hanging around weeds, or in a swamp. They are selective about their environment and what they consume, and thereby are able to generate a beautiful end product.

Now let’s relate this to us. Are we disciplined enough to choose our company wisely? Who we hang out with? Who are our friends and companions? What we hear? What we see? What we read? Who do we listen to and read from? This is what creates ourenvironment. Whatever environment we expose ourselves and our families and our children to, will affect the outcome and the end product!

Prophet SAW said:

"The likeness of a righteous friend and an evil friend, is the likeness of a (musk) perfume seller and a blacksmith. As for the perfume seller, he may either bestow something on you, or you may purchase something from him, or you may benefit from his sweet smell. And as for the blacksmith, he may either burn your clothes, or you may be exposed to his awful smell." (Bukhari & Muslim)

Choose your path wisely. The destination is no small matter. It is either eternal success and happiness, or eternal misery.

The choice is yours!


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