I Am Here

Months have gone by since I last saw her. Recently I went to visit a brother who was late for our meeting because he had to attend a funeral. His own brother greeted me and reminded me about the 22 year old young woman. I asked whether she had gotten married. The answer shocked me—it was her funeral that his brother was attending.

I asked whether it was an accident that took her. He told me that two months ago she suddenly started to lose weight and started complaining of different symptoms. Within a week she was diagnosed with cancer which was already in its last stage. From the time of diagnosis to her death, it took a total of two month. SubhanAllah! I met her not even six months ago and she shared with me her dreams and what she wanted to accomplish. I always told her to take it easy, take it step by step, don't rush and to focus her energy.

She never accomplished anything! All her dreams are dead! Her quality, expertise, goals, wishes, bright future—all dead!

Six years ago I met a 19 year old young man; again full of ambitions and goals. He always had a conflict with his mother—she wanted one career for him while he wanted something else for himself. He was struggling to balance between what his family wants and what he wants. The same struggle reflected in his journey of Iman; he was confused, sometimes up, sometimes down, sometimes right, sometimes left.

I had been traveling and hadn't seen him for a year. Something reminded me of him so I called one of his friends and asked about him. I was told that he had gotten in a car accident; a car hit him while he was riding his bike. He had died the day before and the funeral was taking place that day. He was 22.

Ten years ago I met a bright young man who had graduated from NYU. His family was making preparations for his marriage. He was riding his motorcycle home from his own graduation party when he got in an accident. He never made it home. He was 23.

A young man, son of a prestigious doctor, had recently finished medical school. His father owned many clinics and had a dream for his son to be as great of a doctor as he was and take over the business. One day during a snow storm the father bade farewell to his son and before he could close the door, his son was dead. A snow plow truck was coming, neither the son nor the driver saw each other and he was rolled over by it. The father witnessed the death of his son and lost his mind. He was 26.

Here I am in my fifties, I decided to rewind approximately the last ten years of my life. How many times I have engaged in the funeral of young people who all have two things in common—they were in their early 20s, and they had died sudden deaths. None of them had even started what we can call the 'journey of achievement.'

Their death came to break a cycle—cycle of ambition to be, the wants of mother, father, husband, wife, friends, and the person himself. In the middle of this high speed style of life, crowded with goals, ambitions, and struggles towards putting this puzzle together, death came and stopped everything.

Not a pause. A stop.

Call it eject, gone, finished, diminished or whatever you like.

There are many other stories whirling in my memory but I do not want to continue. I do not want to tell you anymore. One thing that stands out in all these cases is the fact that the parents buried their own children!

One of these funerals left a deep impact on me. It was bitter cold and people were in a rush to bury the young person and go back to their warm comforts. No one had the heart and compassion to stand and make additional du'a for him. That day I decided to visit every grave in the cemetery, give salaam and make du'a for them. I had another intention and I wanted to know how many graves belonged to young people and how many were of elderly. I went to the two largest Muslim cemeteries in the East Coast—one in New Jersey and the other in Long Island, New York.

I will never forget the impact some of the dates on the tombstones had on me. Some of those buried had their date of death the same as their date of births; while some date of deaths were a day after that of their birth. Approximately ten percent of those buried were between a day to a year old. Twenty to thirty percent were of multiple ages but all had one thing in common—they were under 30. Another twenty to thirty percent were between 30 and 50 years old.

This is what I was looking for. I wanted to know who occupies this land more…the youth or the elderly. I was struck to find that almost half of the people buried in the cemetery died at a young age. These are my own findings; something that I calculated and saw by myself. No one told me nor did I read it somewhere.

This realization forced me to rewind my memory and re-visit all the young people in my life who never really made it past their youth. None of them were ill or were complaining of any sickness. It was a sudden event that ended their time on this earth. Meanwhile, I know many people suffering from severe illnesses, going back and forth to the doctors, yet they stay around.

I knew that there is a message in this from Allah SWT for us. Many of us believe that we have plenty of time in life and we busy ourselves with all kinds of goals and ambitions, friends and companions; yet we don't know when the final chapter will be closed and death will arrive.

The parents don't think about it. The youth doesn't think about it. Even though we bury others, we continue to walk as if death doesn't exist, thinking that somehow we are immune to it and it can only happen to others. All the youth who I buried did not have death in the agenda.

I walked thinking to myself how poor human beings are! Everyone wants to please somebody. Everybody wants to prove one thing or the other to somebody. All the while the vicious high speed cyclone of life is catching people by surprise to the point they forget the inevitable reality of life: death.

Death is a door that everyone must pass through! We do not know when it will be our turn to pass through it but lack of faith, high speed life style, wrong companionship, and race for material gain lubricates the wheel of life and makes it go faster. Everyone is fueling us with ideas about things that we can or cannot do but in reality instead of helping us, they fail us.

I watch at every funeral how all relations of the dead end as soon as they disappear from the face of the earth. All the love stories, companions, family members, disappear—some never return to even make du'a for the dead person. Do we get the message?

The message is loud and clear for all those whose hearts are alive. I am next!

I do not know when, where or how, but it is coming. This is when I came to the realization that the only real favorable thing I can do for myself is prepare for this lonely journey. I will be lonely without a doubt. No one will be coming with me. No one will call me. 99% of the time, no one will even visit. And even if they do, they will not be able to help me.

Since that lonely day at the cemetery, every time I meet someone, I can't help but wonder: will this person bury me or will I bury him?

Sometime later I attended the funeral of an elderly man which was quite unique. Among the crowd I saw a young man crying uncontrollably while making du'a for the deceased. I asked him whether he was a relative. He said, not really. When I asked why he was crying like this he started sobbing and said that the dead man was a good person. He took me from the street and took care of me. I didn't know anything in life and he taught me about life. He developed my thinking, my personality and always answered my questions. He made a man out of me. He taught me how to pray and taught me my deen. He was the only one for me!

And he was not the only person like that who I met in this funeral. There were others just as grieved and indebted to the departed man.

After the burial I saw a very old man in his nineties who could hardly walk or stand come up to the grave. People brought a portable chair for him to sit on; he sat by the grave and started to make a lot of du'a for the dead. I asked who he was and was told that it was the father of the deceased and he was burying his fourth son.

This is when the thought really took hold of me:

Who will cry over me?

Who will make sincere du'a for me?

How much will I be missed after I leave?

And how famous will I be on this earth?

And if I am famous, then famous for what? For making friends? Making money? Hanging out?

Based on knowledge, I know that it doesn't work. I know that the only thing we take with us are our good deeds, our faith, our relationship with Allah and the witness of those we come across in life—they will either bear witness to us or against us.

This is the day I decided that what I really want is for people to bear witness to me, not against me. I want maximum amount of people to make du'a for me. I want to be famous—not among my friends and colleagues—but in the kingdom of Allah and among His angels. I want to leave this life knowing that my grave will not be lonely and my journey after death will be a pleasant, peaceful one, not a torturous one. For this I need maximum amount of angels to be my friends and I need to leave behind signs on this earth to be witness to me.

I took this walk down the memory lane after hearing the news of the passing of this beloved young 22 year old sister. It was as if I could see her describing to me her ambitious life goals. I couldn't take it; I felt very uptight and decided to go out alone for some time. I started crying to Allah SWT—for myself, for her, and for others like her.

I knew her for a long time and loved her for Allah. I loved the qualities that Allah SWT had blessed her with. She had a lot to offer—to herself and to the world. I used to tell her: spend some time with me. Don't abuse your quality. Let me support you and help you to navigate through your life in the most effective way. Let me share with you some of my knowledge that can benefit you. But alas! Sometimes our quality gives us arrogance to the point we become foolish. This foolishness combined with wrong companionship, wrong advice and wrong environment sucks us into the high speed cyclone of life.

I could see her in my mind's eye where I was telling her to use me, before you lose me but the reality was that I lost her. Not just her, many like her. I lost them and they lost me. They are gone forever! I never had a chance to help them and they never gave me a chance to be their companion. I have a story with each one of these precious people who are now gone!

All of them possessed great qualities and this is when I discovered the bitter truth: What is the value of the qualities that Allah gives us if we do not utilize them for our benefit? If they do not bring us pleasure in this life and the hereafter? If we do not gain the pleasure of Allah SWT through them?

Every time I met these youth and asked them what was holding them from spending some time with me, they said they were too busy and didn't have time. When I used to go visit them in their graves I would wonder—you are not busy now, and the reality is you were never busy before!

Never complain that you are busy. All of us fill our time with what we believe is our priority. Once a sister in her late forties came to me hysterically crying and told me that she had lost all five of her childhood friends who were with her for last 28 years. I thought that it was an accident and they had died. She said no, I had to leave them. They had gotten together after ten years to go on a short vacation together. They had never seen this sister with her hijab and it created a conflict. They were upset at the fact that the sister didn't participate in drinking, dancing and partying with them. They insulted her and accused her of ruining their vacation. When I asked her why she was so hysterical, she said that she feels she lost 28 years of friendship.

The reality is she gained instead of losing. This is not friendship and this is not what friends are supposed to be about. We surround ourselves with so called friends who eventually stick it to us in life. When we are young, friendships comprise of meaningless hangouts free of any responsibility and substance. As we grow, become mature and life becomes tough, most of these "friends" fall out of our lives and the reality of these "relationships" show up. A relationship which is hollow from its very beginning cannot be sustained for too long. It becomes a cause of regret when we realize how much time, money, thought, emotions, and effort we have wasted on these delusional friendships.

This understanding of real friends vs. shallow ones took its root in me when I was a youth myself. I used to hang out with friends my age and did whatever it took to fit in and be cool. I wanted it, yet I hated it. I wanted it because this is what makes you accepted and I hated it because Allah SWT gave me wisdom and maturity. I could see right through the shallow companionship full of jealousy, envy, plot, tricks, and backbiting. No matter how much time and money I spent with them, I always felt a sense of loss and regret. After a long day of 'fun' with friends, I would go back home tired with a headache and I always felt empty, lost and unhappy. I could feel in my mind and heart that I was torn apart.

When Allah SWT opened for me the company of elders, I was reluctant at the beginning. I felt it was boring and un-cool. But little by little as I began to spend more time with them I calmed down and began to feel peace within. Eventually my understanding and vision in life changed and I began to see things differently.

My repulsion towards the company of my old friends grew and I began to crave the company of the elders. I realized that my old friends were never really my friends, in fact they were my enemies in disguise. My friendship with them was hollow, built on hollow principles. As long as I played along and was their clown, they were satisfied with me and respected me. But the moment I tried to put my foot down about certain principles that I held dear, they turned away from me and insulted me. They showed their true colors when I invited them to more meaningful activities instead of participating in their foolish escapades.

At this time I realized that they were never really my friends. They didn't want goodness for me. It was I who was blind and mistook their selfishness for friendship. I remember never having enough time to get things done when I was surrounded by my so called friends. Once Allah SWT supported me and saved me from their environment, all of a sudden I had plenty of time and my money had blessing.

I give credit of my development to these elders I was blessed to spend some time with. Every day, hour, or minute I spent with them, I always grew. Grew in understanding, maturity, responsibility, self confidence, strength, and expertise in life. I felt like I belonged to them; that I was someone! Their company gave me clear vision; a road map to navigate through life. Their consultation always proved invaluable, and most of all, the time I spent with them was warm. They used to hug me—the warm and comforting hug of knowledge, genuine care, love, of growth and maturity, of deep understanding of life—because they really cared for me. What I gained from them is what allowed me to walk through life with stability and a clear sense of direction. I knew who I was, knew what I was looking for and what I wanted to achieve in life. They made me! They were the best companions I ever had.

There are many verses in the Qur'an as well as ahadeeth of the Prophet SAW that talk about the importance of companionship and how our company is a reflection of our personality. If I want to know who a person is, I should look at his friends!

Friends are a reflection of each other. Birds of the same feather flock together! Our faith and belief will be similar as well as our ambitions in life. Not only that, we will be resurrected next to each other. Allah SWT has said in the Qur'an:

"Friends on that Day will be enemies one to another, except al-Muttaqoon (i.e. those who have Taqwah)." (Zukhruf 43:67)

Prophet Muhammad SAW said: "A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look whom you befriend." (Abu Dawud & Tirmidhi)

Allah SWT stresses the importance of good company in another verse saying:

O you who have believed, fear Allah and be with those who are true. (At Tawba 9:119)

Recently I was reading about love and the author said that all love stories from the get go are bound to end—either by death, change of heart, values, feelings or emotions. But those who love and accompany each other for the sake of Allah, their relationships truly start after their deaths. Theirs is a relationship full of bounty and this kind of love benefits forever. This is the kind of relationship I want!

Today, as these thoughts come pouring out I have in my heart and mind all these beautiful young people around me who are blessed with wonderful qualities. They can be a source of immense goodness to themselves and to others. They can achieve a lot and be famous in this life and the hereafter.

Every time I meet them, I tell them that I am here. I am here for them. Come spend some time with me. Help me and let me help you! If you come to me, you help me by injecting you with some of what I have inside of me. By this way, when I die, the message will continue. Meanwhile, I help you by guiding you through this foolish era of your life with knowledge, wisdom and understanding. As I say this, I can see in my mind's eye one elder after another who I spent time with. Some of these people I spent just a few precious moments with but the impact they left on my life is great. Their wisdom, guidance and knowledge is what supported me, saved me, guarded me, made me and enabled me to escape unharmed from vicious, speedy, foolish youth.

O my beloved youth! I am here for you. Life is a chance that will never come back—good or bad. Today you can, tomorrow you cannot! You deserve the best. The way you give your time to everyone, why can't you take some time out for yourself? Spend some time alone, focus in yourself only, and discover yourself by muting all this noise around you.

Focus is power! Look at practices like yoga, martial arts, Zen—the first stage of mastering the art is focus. And in order to focus, have a clear thinking and be able to reflect, you have to be in a peaceful environment. Ability to focus is so powerful that there are books written on the subject of people healing themselves just by the power of focus.

My elders taught me that the first step towards focusing is to get away. Take a break from all your company and give them a break from you. Spend some time alone. Develop the journey of thinking, reflection and contemplation within. Get to know yourself and what you want from yourself.

This cannot be done in the middle of daily drama and a crowd of different companions. If you think you are thinking, you are wrong! The only way to think is when you are in a calm and peaceful environment, away from all the crowd and their oppression. My own spiritual journey began when I met a great person who showed me who I am not what I think I am. I was what everyone else wanted me to be. In the process of satisfying others, I had actually lost myself. He is the one who taught me that I will never be an achiever if I lose myself!

My heart aches when I see these wonderful young people around me so busy outside while neglecting themselves. They want to help everyone but they do not want to help themselves. The bigger tragedy is that they do not want anybody to help them. Their worst enemies are their closest companions; while they run away from those who truly love them and can benefit them in this life and the hereafter. And their excuse, like those who I have already buried is—I don't have time.

I know it is not true. I have been through this phase of life. We all have time but our priorities are not straight.

You know what is your time? It is you! Someone once told me that your age is the amount of knowledge, expertise and wisdom you possess. You are equal to your time and your time is equal to you. Gain your time! Own it! First step of growing is to become the owner of your time.

When I first started becoming conscious of my time, I lost many so called friends. They would call and want to hang out. I knew that I would not benefit from their company so I started making excuses. First they became upset and eventually fell out of my life. I decided not to be a slipper to them—a decision that I have never regretted!

What makes us special?

What makes us someone?

It is our ability to stand up for what we believe in and make the most of what we have!

My heart cries for the youth who I used to offer chances of gaining from me what I had gained from my elders, but they lost their chance! Lucky are those who grab the chances life presents in order to benefit themselves.

At the same time I am crying out to those young people who still have a chance since they are still breathing. Humble yourself and listen to me! Today I am here, tomorrow I might not be! Grab what you can, while you can! Don't ever try to benefit others when you yourself are a loser inside. It is a plot of shaytaan to make you busy outside until you are ruined between you and your Lord! You have to develop yourself, gain yourself, and focus in yourself— not because you are selfish but in order to be most effective.

If you find yourself when you are young, you have a future—in this life and the next! To lose yourself when you are young, you lose both this world and the next. And you cannot find yourself unless you strengthen your relationship with Allah SWT—the owner of all qualities and the Best, Most Trustworthy Companion. He will never lie to you or abandon you. Instead He will guide you every step of the way; console you in your grief; keep you company in times of solitude; light the way for you; give you wisdom, knowledge, success; and will please you in this life and the next.

Once you establish this relationship, the rest will be easy. Allah will take you step by step through all stages of your life. A scholar once said that if you know the severity of the moment of death and what you will go through after death, you will never accept a companion and friend other than Allah SWT! Because at the moment of death, He is the Only One who can help you. Even if you are surrounded by people, no one will be able to help you.

You are young and you have a chance, but take care not to lose it. You might not have another one. And just so you know, I am here!

A young brother emailed me recently which relates to my topic so I decided to add an excerpt from it here, along with my response to him.

"These past few weeks have made me experience something that has made me more conscious. I have gotten to know several friends whose parents, either mother or father, have passed away.

Life is so precious, yet so limited. We are here for such a small period of time. SubhanAllah. In this small amount of time that we are given by the mercy of Allah, all we have to do is believe in His Oneness and just try to be good.

The biggest message I've taken in these past few weeks is that nothing belongs to us. Not our money, not our loved ones, not even our own bodies. The only thing we can claim to be ours is our good deeds. May Allah allow our deeds to have some weight on the Day of Judgment and bestow His mercy upon us so we may enter paradise, inshallah.

I ask you to make dua for me and please give me advice on how I should view the circumstances I've gone through these past weeks-- mainly regarding the death of the close and loved ones."

My advice to you is very simple:

1. Make this du'a:
   
   Oh Allah, put barakah in whatever is left of my life and don't make it useless, make it a cause of elevating your name. Hold tight my faith in my heart and don't snatch it away from me. Make me work for You only, love You only, and live for You only. Don't make me waste myself. Oh Allah, make this duniya witness to me not against me. And make the moment of death the most pleasurable moment of my life when I meet you with your pleasure. Ameen, ameen, ya Rabbal 'Alameen!

2. A lot of us make similar du'as or even more comprehensive ones than this but what is the value of a du'a if we do not follow it by truthful actions? Read Qur'an with comprehension and reflection and read a lot about death and soul's journey after death. This will make your life become insignificant.


3. Visit the sick and those in the hospital. Visit the cemetery to break your nafs. You must constantly remind yourself of the reality of life and your inevitable ending.


4. Remain in touch with those who can support you in your journey of awareness, and get away from any company that can lead you to heedlessness.


5. Contemplate at these few points I mention here that will InshaAllah help you realize the insignificance of this world and gravity of what lies ahead:


• Remember once a person dies his body weight changes. His name and identity is lost once his soul departs from the body and he becomes just a 'body.' All that remains of his status is his relationship with his Lord. Allah SWT says in the Qur'an:
  

  [To the righteous it will be said], "O reassured soul, Return to your Lord, well-pleased and pleasing [to Him], And enter among My [righteous] servants And enter My Paradise." (Al-Fajr 89:27—30)

  It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet said: "When the believer is dying, the angels of mercy come to him with white silk and say: 'Come out content and with the pleasure of Allah upon you to the mercy of Allah, fragrance and a Lord Who is not angry; So it comes out like the best fragrance of musk. They pass him from one to another until they bring him to the gate of heaven, where they say: 'How good is this fragrance that has come to you from the Earth! Then the souls of the believers come to him and they rejoice more over him than any one of you rejoices when his absent loved one comes to him. They ask him: 'What happened to so-and-so, what happened to so-and-so?' They say: 'Let him be, for he was in the hardship of the world. When he says, 'Did he not come here?' They say: 'He was taken to the pit (of Hell).' Come out discontent, subject of Divine wrath, to the punishment ofAllah, the Mighty and Sublime; So it comes out like the foulest stench of a corpse. They bring him to the gates of the Earth, where they say: 'How foul is this stench!' Then they bring him to the souls of the disbelievers." (An-Nasai)

• Our worldly time is very limited and insignificant.
  At the moment of death, a person can see his entire life pass by in front of his eyes.
  How is it possible?
  Some scientific research shows that a year at Pluto is equal to 248 years of our time. Meaning time is relevant to where we are in the creation of Allah SWT. This can explain how a person can see 60 or 70 years of his life pass by in a few seconds—because now his soul has parted the body and is in a completely different reference zone. The scientist who did the calculation shows that 70 years of our time can be equal to 2.5 seconds of other life. I will try to explain this further.


• The previous point also explains some ahadeeth and verses that we find to be confusing that talk about the duration of the Day of Judgment.
  
  Allah SWT says in the Qur'an:
  

  And indeed, a day with your Lord is like a thousand years of those which you count. (Hajj 22:47)

  He arranges [each] matter from the heaven to the earth; then it will ascend to Him in a Day, the extent of which is a thousand years of those which you count. (Sajdah 32:5)

  The angels and the Spirit will ascend to Him during a Day the extent of which is fifty thousand years. (Al Ma'arij 70:4)

  When you study the other created spaces where one hour equals 41.66 years of our time, Qur'anic time references will become easier to comprehend.

  And the Day the Hour appears the criminals will swear they had remained but an hour. Thus they were deluded. (Ar Rum 30:55)

  So be patient, [O Muhammad], as were those of determination among the messengers and do not be impatient for them. It will be - on the Day they see that which they are promised - as though they had not remained [in the world] except an hour of a day. (Al Ahqaf 46:35)

  And on the Day when He will gather them, [it will be] as if they had not remained [in the world] but an hour of the day, [and] they will know each other. (Yunus 10:45)

  According to a scientific calculation the word "hour" from the hour of the Day of Judgment is equal to 283.33 years of our time.

  Note: One day of Allah SWT is equal to 1,000 years of our time.
  The Day of Judgment will be equal to 50,000 years of our time.

  After the Day of Judgment also called Yawm Al-Qiyama the time will be zero. There will be no more time and there will either be infinite pleasure in paradise or infinite torture in hellfire.

  But those who believe and do righteous deeds - We will admit them to gardens beneath which rivers flow, wherein they abide forever. (An Nisa 4:57)

  But the ones who believe and do righteous deeds - We will admit them to gardens beneath which rivers flow, wherein they will abide forever. (An Nisa 4:122)

  Except the path of Hell; they will abide therein forever. And that, for Allah , is [always] easy. (An Nisa 4:169)

• Don't sacrifice what is lasting to what is fleeting!
  There are many ahadeeth about how insignificant and short life is, compared to what is coming. This is what majority of us neglect and this is the challenge Allah SWT presented to us:

  Iman of the unseen infinite pleasure vs. fleeting pleasures of a pathetic existence in this world.

  Those who prefer this world and are heedless of their Lord, earn infinite torture.

  Think about this: We live an average of 60 years; 1/3 of which is spent sleeping, the other 1/3 is spent in either studies or work, and the remaining 1/3 is spent in the bathroom, malls, taking care of miscellaneous things in life, with fleeting moments of personal pleasure here and there. All of these fleeting moments put together over 60 years, how much time do we really spend in personal enjoyment…may be a month or two! All this compared to the life after death is like the blink of an eye.

  This reality is what differentiates the one who is seeking the knowledge of Allah from the one who is running after the knowledge of this world. It is the difference between truth and lies!

  How many people really think about their life after death? Or the moment of death?

  The more you read and the more you know about your deen, the strength of your belief increases. The desire to please Allah SWT increases along with the vigilance toward staying firm on the spiritual path. This will result in you being very careful about how you spend your time, your thoughts and efforts—and this is what is called faith!

  At any given moment of your life, you will either be on the journey of faith or the journey of heedlessness. One brings infinite happiness while the other brings infinite torture. We are in the land of choice and we have a free will to choose!

  May Allah SWT allow us to choose wisely. May He SWT choose us to be among those who receive the happiness of this life and the hereafter.

  Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

  That is because Allah would not change a favor which He had bestowed upon a people until they change what is within themselves. And indeed, Allah is Hearing and Knowing. (Al Anfal 8:53)

  For each one are successive [angels] before and behind him who protect him by the decree of Allah. Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves. And when Allah intends for a people ill, there is no repelling it. And there is not for them besides Him any patron. (Ar-Ra'd 13:11)

Call it conclusion, notes or extraction of wisdom of all that you just read—especially the last two verses.

• Don't ever complain about the environment. Don't ever complain about the surrounding.
• Only complain about yourself. Once you change in the right direction, Allah will support you and change all your surroundings.
• Don't be busy trying to change conditions and your surrounding environment but be busy changing yourself and everything will fall in its proper place.

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