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In the name of Allah the most Gracious, the most Merciful

Whom do I get married???

One sister asked me a question regarding marriage. My reply to her is as follows:


Regarding the topic and your question about:
How to choose a husband? And if this man who I am interested to get engaged to and marry, is the right one or not?

Let's start from the beginning and let me be honest to you because our relationship is for Sabeelillah and it has an amanah (trust); which is why I have to be honest with you the maximum I can for your benefit and I hope you will not be upset with me, and you will take it with an open heart, From a Muslim brother who loves for you that you be better than him, and who wants Allah to love you and to grant you high status in this life and the hereafter.

From the time you got in touch with me almost two years ago, you have wanted many things:

  • You wanted me to send you some books

  • You wanted to engage with me in learning

  • You wanted to come and spend some time to learn

  • You wanted to translate my website and share it with your people

  • You wanted to go back home and benefit your people and be a role model and spread dawah to your people

  • Now you can't take it and where you are is a fitnah. You are looking for a place that has less fitnah and good environment that is suitable to your spiritual journey

  • You want to go some place, Emigrate for sabeelillah and seek knowledge

  • And NOW you want to marry for sabeelillah to be a good Muslim

Now here are my questions...
If I have all these beautiful intentions and they come and go with out any implementation and I do not see any follow up or result, what does that mean?

it means that:
  • You are a good person InshaAllah, with good intentions

  • You want to be good but your will, your sincerity, and the truthfulness of your intention was not intact. It was not pure enough, it was not strong enough, and this is why it missed and thus the lack of follow up and results

I tell you that I see a pattern in your personality!!!!

  • You move to goodness.

  • You want goodness.

  • You realize goodness.

BUT you were never steadfast in whatever decision you made in the past. By this way, if all this time, I fail to complete one intention, one goal, and one good deed for sabeelillah

What will make me succeed now?
What does it mean?

  • It means that your vision is not clear

  • Something is wrong in the intention

  • The intention is mixed with desire

  • The desire is mixed with something else, and now this seems to be it

Now lets go to the topic of the man who I want to get married to

  • Why did I choose him?

  • How did it come about?

  • What made me get attracted to him?

  • What made him get attracted to me?

  • What do I need from him?

  • What does he need from me?

  • How can he support me in my journey?

  • How can I support him in his journey?

  • What is his goal in life?

  • What is my goal in life?

  • What quality does he have?

  • What quality do I have?

But please, these questions do not need internet cafe answers
Today, a lot of young folks decorate and make themselves up for each other i.e internet cafe style.


  • I am Mr. Perfect. He is Mr. Perfect.
  • I am Ms. Angel. He is Mr. Angel.
  • He is so pious and so am I.
  • He is THE one! And I am THE one!
And its all made up!

In Egypt for example: According to news media statistics, 70% of the young people's marriages are a failure and they divorce between a few months to a few years. Why?
Because the reality of us shows up after marriage!

Now what is the solution?

  • I believe in Allah SWT. If I am real, Allah will give me some one who is real.
  • If I am fake, Allah will give me somebody who is also fake.
  • If I mean it, Allah will give me somebody according to what I mean.
Be honest, be sincere, and be truthful:
  • To yourself
  • To Allah
  • To others
Beg Allah SWT to show you and give you vision, light, wisdom and ability to see and go after what is good for you. And this can only be done by:
  1. Salat ul Istikhara:
    2 rakat with the intention to ask Allah SWT to choose the best for you Note:
    • You cannot be stuck in your want, desire, fear, anxiety, or liking too much, hating too much, loving too much.anything too much.
    • We have to go to Allah in a neutral state, believing without a doubt that He is the owner of the unseen and He knows what is good for us.
    • We can't go to Allah with an agenda. Height, shape, color, money status, nationality, age, weight, degreebecause Allah SWT is the owner of the unseen, owner of the happiness, and success in this life and the hereafter.
    • And He SWT is the best planner and I cannot find somebody better than Allah to choose for me.
    Big surprise!
    You can't go through any one of the above without: Real Iman Real Tawakkul (reliance) in Allah. Beg Him to choose what is good for you in this life and the hereafter!

  2. Mashwara (consultation):
    Consult those you trust to give you an honest opinion and assessment of this man or this woman. And be ready to accept with an open heart. And this is the job of the wali in Islam.

  3. Intention:
    I remind myself and you with what RasulAllah SAW said: Deeds are [a result] only of the intentions [of the actor], and an individual is [rewarded] only according to that which he intends. Therefore, whosoever has emigrated for the sake of Allah and His messenger, then his emigration was for Allah and His messenger. Whosoever emigrated for the sake of worldly gain, or a woman [whom he desires] to marry, then his emigration is for the sake of that which [moved him] to emigrate."
I will summarize the whole talk:
Purify your niyyah (intention) and beg Allah to give you sincerity.
If you can manage that,
- Allah will give you light, wisdom, vision,
- He will guide you to what is best for you in this life and the hereafter
- He will allow you to love and be content with what Allah chooses for you.

And all what I said starts with a PURE HEART!

Whatever is for Allah, Allah accepts and joins it; and whatever is not for Allah, Allah rejects it and it breaks apart and discontinues.

My dear brothers and sisters in Islam, Be for Allah and Allah will be for you!

May Allah SWT give us the tawfiq to be for Him,
Guide us, and give us light, vision, wisdom, and ability to follow what pleases Him (SWT).



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